A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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