I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
