Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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