forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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