I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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