You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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