i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
