pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
