Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize