weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
