That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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