Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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