The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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