Sponge bath it is.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
