Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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