Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
