I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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