i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
