So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
