mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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