I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
