hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
