This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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