you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
