went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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