Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
