If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
