My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
