No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
