I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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