I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
