i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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