She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
