I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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