Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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