Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
