i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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