about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
