I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
