I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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