i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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