Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
