i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize