you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
not ubering you a puppy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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