EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sobbing to NWA
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
