Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
