Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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