i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
