oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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