evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
