Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
