plz talk dirty to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
time to smoke my breakfast
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
