well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My underwear smells like fireworks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
