I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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