Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
