Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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