I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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