He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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