I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
