Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
