What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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