He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
