i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
