I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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