My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
