last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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