Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
