I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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