hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
