Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
