he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
