I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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