I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
