The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
