It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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