I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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