The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
