I got chris browned last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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