I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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