Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
