Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sobbing to NWA
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
