ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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