I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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