Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
