I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
