me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
