Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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