i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
