we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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