there's paper in my vomit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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