I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
