guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
