Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
