): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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