Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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