He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
