Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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