i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
