I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
