some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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