i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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