and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Welp...herpes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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