Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
