How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
