This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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