I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
