I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
