yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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