I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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