He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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