I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
