please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
