either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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